Birthmother to Birthmother

Dear Birthmother,

This is probably a really difficult time for you. I know, I've been where you are. I know it is so hard because you get so many different opinions from so many people that it is frustrating. But remember, it's not everyone else who is making this decision, it is your choice. I think one of the worst things that could happen right now is if you get persuaded by everyone to do something that's not what you really want. When I made my decision to place my baby for adoption I knew it was the right choice but I still had my moments of doubt. I was so afraid of the pain that was coming. I always wanted to keep my baby but it was because I was only thinking of myself. I really couldn't decide what to do, so my case worker helped me see what life would be like if I kept my baby. She had me look up prices for baby items, daycare, plan a schedule of when I would work, when I would go out, when I would spend time with the baby. And when I tried to do this I found that it was near impossible...that I wouldn't be there for my baby, wouldn't be able to afford what she needed, I wouldn't have time for myself or going out either. I even wondered if I would ever find a good father for my baby. I think these are all good things to think about and try to plan for. When I tried to make a plan, I realized I was being selfish and not thinking of my baby. So I sat down and actually thought of this child's life and what kind of life I could give her and what kind of life an adoptive family could give her...That's when I knew that placing her for adoption was the right choice. It is hard to be strong and put what you want aside and just think of the child and what is best for your baby. It wasn't until I actually talked with my Dad a couple months before the baby was due that I really decided to place Emma for adoption. He gave me some good advice...He told me I needed to be strong and that he knew I would do what was right but that no matter what choice I made he would support me. It was very important for me to know that my family would stand by me no matter what I decided. I told my Dad that I didn't think I was strong enough to let her go ....and he told me that it is sad but unfortunately people loose children all the time... to accidents and pre-mature deaths and they do move on and they do live again...and that he knew I could too. I love my Emma with all my heart and I'm sure you love your baby too....I don't think it's GIVING UP a child, it's GIVING MORE...giving my child a chance to live the life I can't give her... Im sure the adoptive family adores her more than anything. A lot of these families that adopt can't have their own children....what a gift you would be giving them to give them a chance to be parents... I'm sure in the future I'll have children again....but these adoptive parents only get so many chances to adopt... and for some it never comes... I know you have to be the strong selfless mother that wants to give your child more to be able to do this....and it will hurt... probably more than anything you have ever experienced in your life but in the end it is worth it... it has brought me nothing but happiness since. I still love Emma and always will but I won't regret my decision because it made me a better person, made a couple the happiest parents in the world, and best of all gave Emma a chance at a better, happier life with two amazing, loving parents. I hope this helps you... and I hope you make the right choice... for you and your baby.

Christy-

Birthmother

Is Adoption Right for Me?

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Birthmother to Birthmother